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You know you read too much Jane Austen when...

by Amanda Kai
Oct. 1, 2019

  • You think every single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife
  • You complain that you will never find a man you can truly love, because you require so much!
  • You always see potential matches amongst your acquaintances, and you are the resident authority on relationship advice
  • You see a horse-drawn carriage in the park and eagerly ask the driver if it is a barouche or a phaeton
  • All your correspondence with family and friends is done through long, handwritten letters
  • You cannot comprehend the neglect of a family library in such days as these
  • Your bedroom looks like that of Keri Russell’s in Austenland- full of Jane Austen memorabilia
  • You kiss your cardboard figure of Mr. Darcy “goodnight” every night
  • You presume that every piece of poetry given to you by a male acquaintance must contain some hidden message about love or courtship
  • You find that you are excessively fond of cottages
  • You recommend everybody who is in poor health to go to Bath, to benefit from the waters there
  • You have a secret obsession with muslin fabric
  • You take up playing the harp, because a lively woman with a harp as elegant as herself is enough to catch any man’s heart
  • You spend hours in mental debate with yourself over which Austen hero is the most dashing and perfect
  • You frequently lapse into using old-fashioned terminology and phrases in your everyday conversations
  • You visit Lyme Park or Chatsworth House and expect to find Elizabeth and Darcy there
  • You think the night sky is superior to all painting and music, an art form that only poetry can describe
  • Your imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment
  • When friends are planning an outing, you always suggest such activities as strawberry picking, visiting old castle ruins, horseback riding, hiking, or sea-bathing
  • You get very excited anytime someone mentions the word “officers”, and think that a man needs only regimentals to make him completely charming
  • You frequently imagine yourself to be in the company of your favorite characters, and carry on conversations with them in your daydreams
  • Every day you check the mail to see if someone has sent you a letter telling you that you pierce their soul, and they are half agony half hope that it is not too late for your precious feelings together
  • You would be perfectly happy living in a large 19th century mansion, even if you were relegated to the attic
  • Your idea of good company is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation
  • You accidentally call your significant other “Mr. Darcy”
  • You become very irate if someone confuses Jane Austen with Jane Eyre, or spells Austen with an “i”, like the city Austin.
  • You think that to be fond of dancing is a certain step towards falling in love
  • You’ve lost track of how many times you have read your favorite Jane Austen novel
  • You are convinced that only the deepest love will induce you into matrimony
  • You love all your favorite books so much that you would buy them all over again, and you would buy up every copy, if you could, to prevent their falling into unworthy hands


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